How To Reduce The Toxicity Boys Find Online
Boys spend A LOT of time online. Here are some ideas for making it a healthier space.
How Do We Rewire The "Manosphere"?
Hi everyone! I know there is a lot going on right now - I hope you’re hanging in ok and making some time to enjoy July. I’m finishing a second round of edits on Talk To Your Boys, the book I’m co-writing with , and looking forward to sharing the finished product with you in 2025.
In making the case for paying more attention to boys, Joanna and I often turn to the work of Equimundo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice. This outstanding organization has worked internationally and in the US since 2011 to engage men and boys as allies in gender equality, promote healthy manhood, and prevent violence.
Today, I’m highlighting Equimundo’s latest report, THE MANOSPHERE, REWIRED: Understanding Masculinities Online and Pathways for Healthy Connection. Here’s a statement from the report that provides a sense of the authors’ perspective:
Harmful masculine norms that can be woven into every aspect of men’s and boys’ lives – family life, schools, sports, and other community spaces – are ballooning online, depriving young men of more caring alternatives and leading to backsliding on feminist progress. To make further strides toward full equality and human rights for women, girls, and gender-diverse individuals, men’s commitment to equality is paramount and cannot be considered a given. We must build and support pathways for men and boys to confidently determine their identities as caring, emotionally connected, cooperative people – for the good of all.
Here’s the introduction to the new report:
This report presents findings from a six-month deep dive into the lives of young men online, primarily focused on the platforms and online spaces used by young men in the United States. While the masculinities field is already robust in research and programming, online spaces – which are now the primary place young men spend their time – have been largely ignored until recently. There is a clear need to further investigate how online spaces and communities simultaneously are part of the problem and hold immense power in creating solutions. We hope this study provides additional insights and directions for action.
To devise online solutions and better understand the broader environment men are living in, Futures Without Violence and Equimundo partnered with the human-centered design firm Puddle to take a deep dive into the gendered narratives and features of several key online platforms and spaces. This research is informing a forthcoming design lab and new efforts to promote healthy masculinities online that build on the positive sources of connection and community that young men already find online.
How Do You Study Online Communities?
The whole 23-page report is worth your time, and the way they set up the research - which included data from Youtube, Reddit, TikTok, Discord, Twitch, and fantasy sports leagues - is fascinating.
By trying to understand the appeal of the manosphere, the report sheds light on online spaces that many people know little about. “Communities often viewed from the outside as dark, extreme, or violent can be seen from the perspective of a teenage boy as “fun,” edgy, or provocative and create a sense of common purpose, belonging, recognition, or encouragement.”
Why Guys Turn To The “Manosphere”
When two-thirds of young men feel that “no one really knows” them, as State of American Men 2023 shows, they reveal the fragility of their connections and relationships. This “crisis of connection” collides with the reality that no one really seems to agree on what a “good man” looks like or how to become one. The combination of these two truths creates the perfect conditions for men to seek connection in the digital world via the manosphere – a diverse collection of websites, blogs, and online forums promoting masculinity, misogyny, and opposition to feminism – which swoops in to provide clear messages around gender and gender roles to make simple sense of an otherwise complicated world. These messages have a real impact, mostly surrounding violence (against oneself and others), mental health, and anti-democratic trends. Amidst rapid macro-level social, political, and economic changes, young men are turning to the internet and finding community and belonging that speak to their unique identities, interests, and fears.
Conclusions And Directions For Action
After concluding their research and taking a step back to reflect on the findings, the report’s authors shared four big conclusions that I think merit your attention:
THE MAGNITUDE OF YOUNG MEN’S ONLINE DIETS EXCEEDS THEIR OFFLINE LIVES BY AT LEAST 1,000
Online life for young men is often a bigger influence than their offline social spaces. YouTube, the mothership of online platforms, has 2 billion monthly active users (more than half to two-thirds of whom are men). Fantasy sports had 62.5 million users in North America, with more than two-thirds being men. By contrast, consider membership in the largest in-person groups where young men and boys gather: 7% of American men say they have been members of a college fraternity, and about 1 million boys and young men are in Scouting America (formerly Boy Scouts of America), after years of steady decline in enrollment. Any strategy that seeks to make social change around gender equity, misogyny, or men’s well-being cannot overlook the necessity of engaging online, as our movements to end violence have largely done. Investment and initiatives that meet young men where they are – online – grow every year.
YOUNG MEN’S DESIRE FOR BELONGING IS EXPLOITED
Previous research has made clear that boys and men are struggling. Connection, community, and a sense of purpose have all been strained and compounded by the competing messages on masculinity. In response, manosphere influencers have nailed the messaging and platform optimization to reach young men. These influencers frame contemporary social changes as a direct threat to men (e.g., “the system is rigged against you”), along with messages that emphasize hyper-independence and violent masculinity as answers to men’s real pains. In effect, narratives pushed in the manosphere allow for disinformation campaigns and online misogyny to metastasize. It’s imperative to recognize why manosphere influencers have been effective, including their ability to define a strong “in-group” community as well as provide structure and simple answers. If our movements toward justice and equity don’t identify how to frame our messages around, and provide concrete avenues to, belonging and care for men, men will continue to turn to these exploitative backlash actors. Important opportunities exist to leverage search engine optimization and “redirection” (e.g., buying ad space) to interrupt pathways into the most harmful manosphere spaces – and point young men to healthier ones.DIVERSE STRATEGIES ARE NEEDED FOR DIVERSE PLATFORMS & THEIR LEADERS
This research points to the incredible diversity of online platforms connected to the manosphere. In turn, it identifies the diversity of non-traditional “leaders” and “influencers” across these spaces. Of course, there are the highly public, visible content creators on TikTok or YouTube. However, there are those who hold immense influence online who are important to spotlight, like gaming streamers and moderators. These individuals regulate language, share resources, and cultivate culture. The nature and functions of online platforms inform their culture – their levels of intimacy, their lexicons, the topics men seek to discuss, and the (masculine) identity-based aspirations of their users. Social change strategies online should hold paramount that approaches within one community or platform may not work in another. Similar to relationship-centered community organization strategies (in person), leaders like moderators and streamers must be engaged authentically via the ethos of “nothing about us without us” and not told what to do.
MEN WANT TO SEIZE OPPORTUNITIES FOR CONNECTION & RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
Amidst our research with men on the flow of users between online platforms and the relationship journeys outlined in this paper, it is clear that men often lack the essential relationship skills needed to thrive and connect. Dating and friendship are clear topics that men crave information and companionship around – whether the subject be how to build a dating profile, understanding what a prospective partner will find attractive, or how to ask a potential friend to hang out. Across the continuum of these online relationship “steps” are numerous opportunities to support and teach, building on young men’s positive and healthy desires to connect and find friendships, identity, and purpose. A great deal of online communities and their leaders (moderators, streamers) outlined in this report have shown interest in collaboration. This report suggests working with them to co-create tools and leverage their influence to support skill development and offline connectedness. Rather than only calling out harm – which we must – there is an urgent opportunity to call young men into their best, connected selves.
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The magnitude on the influence of online life was a big takeaway for me too. For those of us who are parents, educators, & citiznes, I think it's also a call increase boys' involvement in the off-line world. Welcome them into all kinds of spaces. Make room for their interests. Allow & encourage them to contribute -- let them know that we value & need their work & ideas.