An old friend wrote to me recently, letting me know that he recognized the lapel pin I wore when I spoke at the Aspen Ideas Festival. That pin, a gift from songwriter and poet Leonard Cohen, is one of my favorite possessions. Years ago, Cohen sent one to me and each of the other members of Conspiracy of Beards.
We’re an a cappella men’s choir that performs original arrangements of Cohen’s songs - both the well-known ones like “Hallelujah,” “Suzanne,” and “Bird On a Wire” and more obscure tracks that deserve some attention. We meet to practice together every Monday night in San Francisco’s Mission District. Right now we’re focusing on getting ready for the upcoming Leonard Cohen Festival, but we meet to sing together even when there are no upcoming shows on the calendar.
I’ve performed with this group for the last 19 years, and it’s become an important part of my life - an anchor for community, connection, and sharing time and space. I sometimes tell people it’s like a “men’s group for people who probably wouldn’t join a men’s group.”
We start each season with a weekend-long retreat in the woods, making meals together and learning new songs and arrangements, but also getting to know each other and building community. I often think about how fortunate I am to have this group in my life, especially when I read about men struggling to maintain friendships as they get older.
Choral Singing Is Good For You
There’s good research that shows that singing together is an excellent way to quickly form social bonds, and that it can improve memory and concentration, reduce anxiety, and decrease depression. One study even linked singing in the choir to reduced stress hormones and increased cytokines, proteins that can boost the body’s ability to fight serious illness.
There’s also a joy that isn’t captured in those studies: When things work just right, and you are surrounded on all sides by people singing together, you can lose track of where your voice ends and other people’s voices begin. It’s an amazing feeling of connection.
“I believe in singing. I believe in singing together,” musician and artist Brian Eno writes in “Singing: The Key To A Long Life,” an essay for Morning Edition. “I believe that singing is the key to a long life, a good figure, a stable temperament, increased intelligence, new friends, super self-confidence, heightened sexual attractiveness and a better sense of humor.”
Friends Your Can Travel With
One of the things I’ve learned from being in this choir is how fun it is to travel with friends, something many adults don’t get a chance to do. You get a sense of what it’s like in the video above, which features an interactive warm-up with an audience, a David Byrne cameo, and an interview with a younger me on one of trips to New York.
You never know what’s going to happen when you travel with a big group like this - you might end up on Czech TV.
Men Need Help Connecting
Almost every time I do a book event for “Talk To Your Boys,” a woman asks if we have advice for engaging dads, brothers, or other men. Some have even told us that we should write “Talk To Your Men.” These questions reflect a real need - there are a lot of men who are adrift and disconnected. I’m glad to see efforts to connect more with them, like California’s Men’s Service Challenge and the U.K’s Talk Club, which gets men talking with a simple prompt: “How are you? Out of 10?”
I love these efforts, but I would like to suggest another option:
Maybe we could get together and sing?
Recent Teen Health Today Highlights:
How to Talk to Your Boys (Before the Internet Does)
A video chat with me,
, and about raising good men in a confusing worldYouth Say Social Media Sites Are Recommending “Gruesome” Videos
Worries about what’s in young people’s feeds. PLUS: A deep look at why The Manosphere has been so effective at reaching boys
Should Schools Offer Hikes Instead Of Detention?
A new alternative shows promise. PLUS: California bans ultraprocessed foods in school lunches, and teachers try to protect immigrant students.
Our Book Came Out One Month Ago - Here’s What Happened Next
Nerves, thrills, and laughter on the way to the bestseller list
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the power of singing together is so real! i have wanted to join a choir again for a while now. my dad has had a men's group for decades that is an incredible source of support in his life. i dont know if they sing but there is DEFINITELY drumming lol.
How fun! I’d love to!