No, Don't Show "Adolescence" In Schools

A masculinity researcher is worried that our rush to respond to the Netflix series may produce unexpected consequences

Christopher Pepper and Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski-Hartman at the “Raising Connected Boys in a Disconnected World” conference in March 2025.

Hi Readers - Thanks to all of you who have read and shared How To Talk To Teens About "Adolescence." It’s the most popular article I’ve published in two years of writing this newsletter.

Today, I wanted to share another take on the show, by Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski-Hartman, a researcher and writer from Canada who I greatly admire. He originally posted this to his blog but gracefully agreed to let me share it here.

If you like this essay, I encourage you you sign up for his newsletter, follow him on Instagram and TikTok, or hire him to work with your school.

Watch this space next week for a big book announcement from me. Until then, stay strong and let someone know you love them.

— Christopher

Be careful: Our response to Netflix’s Adolescence could backfire

As a sociologist who specializes in the social-emotional development of boys and men, I probably should have been first in line to watch Netflix’s new hit limited series Adolescence. Truthfully, I wasn’t even aware of it until my DMs started flooding with questions—mostly from parents, especially mothers—asking, “What can we do?”

If you’re unfamiliar, Adolescence is a four-part series centered around a 13-year-old boy who’s arrested for a serious crime against a girl at his school. The series has sparked important conversations as well as fueled many existing polarizations. Most love it, but criticisms range from "there’s too much focus on and empathy for the boy and his family" to "this show is yet another coordinated attack to demonize boys and masculinity."

But what’s undeniable is how it's ignited urgent questions about tackling misogyny, violence, and the implicated role of online influencers whose messaging appeals overwhelmingly to boys and men—the so-called "manosphere." In my opinion, the "manosphere" is far too broad and diverse a term for this conversation. If we are talking specifically about misogyny (which we are), then it’s most accurate to refer to the "red-pilled" community—those whose ideological focus is built around resentment towards women (feminists/feminism in particular). A major tenet is that gender equality has gone too far in favor of girls and women and now boys and men are the real victims in society today.

I have so many things I want to unpack about the show itself (and likely will in a future post), but for now, I want to specifically focus on my reaction to the reactions I’ve seen around Adolescence. It won’t fully answer the question: What can we do?

For some, Adolescence should be a wake-up call

Many people need to be much more aware of the online content boys are exposed to and take the normalization of red-pilled animosity towards girls and women much more seriously. If this series prompts you to take a more proactive role in your child’s media use—good, that’s needed. But ideally, it also prompts efforts to build more intentional and ongoing lines of communication between parents and sons. This is the approach the main detective of Adolescence chooses to embark upon with his own son—after realizing in Episode 2 how much of his son's world (and therefore his son) is unfamiliar to him.

I don’t think social media should be the main focus of conversation around the show. It's much more a symptom of the disconnection so many boys experience. But the role of social media is still important and highly relevant.

In some of the school workshops I’ve led with male students, if the name of a prominent influencer and self-proclaimed misogynist, Andrew Tate, comes up, there’s often quite strong reactions. (If you're unfamiliar with him, I’ve created a free guide and lesson plans for parents and teachers you can check out here). Quite often teenage boys start mocking him and anyone who might like him—but I’ve also experienced a time when, after mentioning his name, an entire gymnasium of Grade 8 boys started chanting and laughing “Top-G! Top-G! Top-G!” In Tate’s world, he’s the “Top G”—aka the top gangster, the alpha.

The point is, whether they’re fans or critics, teenage boys are exposed to him and others online like him who undeniably hold harmful sexist views. Many teenage boys have told me that even though they hate his type of content, they can’t escape coming across it online on the algorithm.

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We need to be careful Adolescence doesn’t skew our view of boys.

It makes sense that this series sparks fear for many people. However, from some of the reactions I’ve seen online, I would strongly urge caution against projecting that fear as an indictment or inevitability of all or even most teenage boys.

When I present some of my research of teenage boys with the public, it’s not uncommon for some people to be amazed to discover how deeply sensitive, compassionate, and emotionally rich and considerate teenage boys are. I have the privilege of seeing and working with truly amazing teenage boys, which most of them are. Of course, I also know and work with many who absolutely need to take accountability for their actions and pain they’ve inflicted on others.

It's relevant here to highlight what feminist writer bell hooks once wrote in The Will To Change:

"Teenagers are the most unloved group in our nation. Teenagers are often feared precisely because they are often exposing the hypocrisy of parents and of the world around them. And no group of teenagers is more feared than a pack of teenage boys. Emotionally abandoned by parents and by society as a whole, many boys are angry, but no one really cares about this anger unless it leads to violent behavior. If boys take their rage and sit in front of a computer all day, never speaking, never relating, no one cares. If boys take their rage to the mall, no one cares, as long as it is contained."

The reality is, much of teenage boys’ emotional pain is contained. The same could be said even of incels—who are some of the most extreme examples of misogyny—because they are statistically much more likely to take their emotional pain against themselves (their suicide rates are extremely high) than commit violence against others.

Some argue that Adolescence focuses too much on the boy, not enough on the victim—a fair criticism that even the series seems self-aware of. But this tension is at the crux of this work: if we want to address the seriousness of misogyny—which I hope we can all agree on—then we must also address boys’ pain. Not instead of, but alongside. This process of collective healing is messy, especially when there’s an abundance of pain and a seeming lack of resources or of bandwidth to adequately respond enough to any groups’ pain.

There’s a chapter in the book BoyMom by

Ruth Whippman

about incels, that highlights some of this tension and messiness. In it, she interviewed and got to know a few self-identified “incels” and briefly remarks upon the tension she felt, as a woman and as a feminist, in developing compassion even as she grappled with the dehumanizing misogyny of their beliefs.

I want the collective pain of girls and women to be better seen and validated by boys and men. The same is true for the collective pain of gender expansive people. And I also want the world to better see and understand the collective pain of boys and men. I also want boys and men to better understand their own pain too.

No, please don’t show this series in schools.

Yes, adults should watch this series, but the notion online that we should show this at schools to combat misogyny, is not it.

I think for a lot of parents, watching this together with your teenager could be a powerful conversation starter and the right-call. However, showing this in schools feels more like a fear-driven reaction. I understand the temptation: many adults express experiencing Adolescence as a wake-up call and want it to have the same effect on students. I have three main reasons why I’m against this:

1. For starters, this “scared straight” type of approach rarely ever works to change behaviours, it often causes more harm.

2. The content could be unnecessarily traumatic for students.

3. It could backfire.

Even if schools are exceedingly careful in their prep before showing and their debriefing after, this move will likely play right into the red-pilled narrative, which is predicated on the notion that society and schools are already firmly against boys, men, and masculinity. Already these communities are using Adolescence, not to highlight the seriousness of misogyny, but as proof that there’s a war against boys and that boys = villains. I would not underestimate the effectiveness of the red-pilled messaging.

So how do we address all of this in schools in an effective and non-reactionary, fear-based way?

In short, if you want to address serious issues like misogyny with any success, boys (just like anyone) need to feel that you care about them. And in order for them to feel like you care about them (because teenage boys are so especially gifted at detecting insincere agenda-driven BS), you need to actually care about them.

The good news is that nothing in Adolescence is a surprise to any of us “on the ground.”

Non-profits and organizations like NextGen Men, Ever Forward Club, The Man Cave, A Call to Men, White Ribbon, Hey Brother Co. (just off the top of my head) have been and are doing this work in schools and many have free resources. I’m sure they’d love more support to expand their efforts.

In the aftermath of watching Adolescence, so many people are wanting to pinpoint the blame on a single issue (e.g., fatherlessness, social media, a specific influencer etc.). The reality is that there are many causes, the root of which I believe centres around the disconnection from self and others that many boys experience, starting at a young age. Thus, addressing any of this requires multi-pronged, long-term efforts by many of us.

To leave you a sense of what schools are noticing about their male students, here are the three most common reasons schools seek my support as a consultant:

1. Many boys are struggling silently—socially, emotionally, academically.

2. Concerning behaviours are showing up loudly—which includes aggression and misogyny.

3. Boys are feeling like schools are treating them more like problems than like people.

These issues are interconnected, and there is truth in all of them that needs to be addressed.

Adolescence has raised important issues that need more focus. I’m glad it’s increasing peoples’ sense of urgency. Let’s just be sure our efforts aren’t reactionary or fear-based but rooted in research-based approaches, relationships, and compassion.

Want More? Three Podcasts On “Adolescence”

Ask Lisa: Psychologist Reacts To Adolescence

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This Is So Awkward: Netflix’s Adolescence Forces Us to Talk About Hard Things - Here's Why!

UnMASKing With Male Educators: The “Manosphere” Is Expanding - Here’s A Story That Will Help Educators Lessen Its Influence

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