Vox Says I Gave Some Of The Best Advice Of The Year. What Do You Think?
Lots of people want to talk to boys so they grow into better men
Hi readers! I hope you are getting some time to rest, recharge, and connect as you get ready for the new year. A couple exciting thing happened to me recently that I wanted to share:
How To Talk To Boys So They Grow Into Better Men
Vox ran a round-up of the best life advice they got in 2024, and they included an except from “How To Talk To Boys So They Grow Into Better Men,” an interview I did with Vox’s Keren Landman, MD. I love Keren’s work, and I really appreciated having this opportunity to have an in-depth discussion with her. I am THRILLED with how this interview turned out. Here’s a short excerpt:
Boys suffer the social consequences of that more because while adults typically emphasize social skills in teaching girls how to interact with each other, there’s less of an imperative to guide boys in that way, Pepper says. That might explain why researchers have found that on average, girls demonstrate better social skills than boys as early as kindergarten — and that advantage widens over the course of elementary school as boys’ social abilities decline.
“Boys often don’t really learn the basics of social relationships and responsibility and communication,” says Pepper. Social skills adults may take for granted, like all the steps involved in making plans to meet a friend, are skills that aren’t necessarily taught. The consequences for boys aren’t good: As they grow up, they often lose close friendships with other boys, even though they really want them.
The absence of clear guidance for many boys on how to be and act creates massive opportunities for internet misogynists like Andrew Tate, says Pepper. “Tate has figured out that boys are actually really interested in talking about gender, talking about masculinity, and thinking about what it means to be a successful man,” says Pepper. Many boys don’t get much other messaging on these issues from their families or schools, leaving a void easily filled by charismatic jerks.
There’s a lot more - check out the full article.
I knew the article had resonated when I started saw that people were making their own graphics to share quotes from it:
The Epidemic of Male Loneliness
In the year-end roundup issue of her wonderful newsletter Is My Kid the Asshole? , Melinda Wenner Moyer pointed out that her article “The Epidemic of Male Loneliness” is the piece that that has been shared the most by readers. There are a lot of quotes from me in the essay, along with thoughts from some of the top researchers and scholars working on masculinity and boyhood issues. Here’s a sample of what I said:
”Boys are looking for examples of how to be a man in the world. And when we don't proactively provide guidance and a place to talk about those issues, they're often going online and looking for the most visible examples — watching a lot of Andrew Tate videos and looking at examples of masculinity that are not so positive. So I think there's a real place for facilitated groups to talk about these issues, and to have a have a safe place for boys to talk about what's on their mind and what's going on in their life with a little bit of guidance.”
I’m excited that Melinda’s upcoming book, “Hello, Cruel World!” has a huge section exploring why boys have trouble developing authentic friendships, and what we know about the costs of these sacrifices, and what we can do to help our boys open up and stay vulnerable.
What advice would you give to teen boys? What’s coming up with the boys in your life? Let us know in the comments.
Recent Teen Health Today Highlights
Dr. Lisa Damour: How To Use "Inside Out 2" To Kickstart Conversations With Kids
The psychologist and author explains how the movie was made, and how to use it as a tool to help young people talk about emotionsTeen Health Today's Favorite Books Of 2024
Incredible - and incredibly useful - books about teens
How to help teens understand the risk posed by counterfeit prescription pills
How To Get Better At Talking About Sex And Sexuality
There are SO MANY great resources to help you get past the awkwardness and start really having the talks
Next Gen Men started a Discord server to give teenage boys a safe and supportive online home. Here's what they learned in the process.
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What a great accolade--Congrats!
Awesome, Christopher! Keep up the great work. You are clearly filling a gap.